Gulp, Hannibal, and More Stories We Don’t Want to Read on Our Chipotle Cups

Gulp, Hannibal, and More Stories We Don’t Want to Read on Our Chipotle Cups

As if we need another reason to love Chipotle, they’ve recently announced that their cups and bags will feature original stories by authors Jonathan Safran Foer, Toni Morrison, George Saunders, Michael Lewis, and Malcolm Gladwell. While nothing sounds better than a chicken burrito with a side of literature to fill our lunch hour, we didn’t have a hard time thinking up quite a few books that we hope never make it onto our Chipotle cups.

Everyone Poops, Taro Gomi
Enough said.

The Jungle, Upton Sinclair
Sure hope you ordered the sofritas.

“Snow White,”  Brothers Grimm
They forgot to charge me for the guac. Freebie? Or deadly poison?

Hannibal, Thomas Harris
This read would have us rethinking the all-too-friendly grin of our burrito bowl maker.

The Hot Zone, Richard Preston
If the descriptions of viral hemorrhagic fever don’t turn your stomach, then your ensuing crippling paranoia definitely will.

Gulp, Mary Roach
Gotta love a hilarious and thought-provoking tale of alimentary canal adventures—just not when I’m eating, please.

Rosemary’s Baby, Ira Levin
There’s no tannis root in my taco, right?

A Game of Thrones, George R. R. Martin
The Purple Wedding alone is enough to put us off eating—especially surrounded by other people. In fact, the whole series proves that you shouldn’t eat food you didn’t prepare.

Haunted, Chuck Palahniuk
“Guts”… just no… nope… no thanks.

Atkins for Life, Robert C. Atkins
Is guac a carb?

Savage Harvest, Carl Hoffman
Unsurprisingly, tales of real-life cannibalism and chicken burritos do not mix well.

 

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