New Year’s Resolutions: Literary Character Edition

New Year’s Resolutions: Literary Character Edition


We’re a few days into the new year and already some of us are suffering resolution remorse (or – perish the thought – have already kissed the resolution goodbye). It’s not too late to swap in something else and to help inspire you, we asked ten literary characters what they’ve resolved.

Charlie and the Chocolate FactoryCharlie Bucket
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory by Roald Dahl
I think I should probably lay off the chocolate. It’s just so tempting, but my teeth are starting to rot.

Mr. Pilkington
Animal Farm by George Orwell
I resolve to shut down stirrings of the animal revolution on my farm. Farmhand McCarthy has already sent my horse Tinseltown away for discussing the Seven Commandments of Animalism–it’s for the animals’ own good.

Father Lankester Merrin
The Exorcist by William Peter Blatty
After my last dig in Africa, I’ve been thinking about taking a break. Perhaps indulging in quiet meditation and seeking God that way. Though I did just receive an urgent call about an exorcism… perhaps one last one.

the lightning thiefMr. D (Dionysus)
Percy Jackson by Rick Riordan
I should probably take a bit more charge of the useless “heroes” of Camp Half-Blood. Last thing I need are more Paulie Jerkstons running off on unapproved quests.

fight clubTyler Durden
Fight Club by Chuck Palahniuk
It’s been suggested that I might benefit from some anger management classes… I’d much rather head down to the local boxing gym instead though, and get some friends together for one-on-one sparring…

HItchhikers guideMarvin
The Hitchhikers Guide to The Galaxy by Douglas Adams
I’d say I will try to be more cheerful and optimistic but it’s unlikely. Happy people depress me.

Wuthering Heights by Emily Brontë
Be less prideful. Might check out How to Win Friends And Influence People to work on my people skills.

great gatsbyJay Gatsby
The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald
In the new year, I should like to vary my vocabulary. Nick, the old sport, seems to think I could use it.

da vinci codeRobert Langdon
The Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown
I do tend to get into a lot of tough spots that would be a conspiracy theorist’s dream. I think this year I’d like to focus on my students and research… (Yeah, right…)

A Game of Thrones by George R.R. Martin

This article originally appeared on Zola Books.
Kelly Gallucci
Far too busy rereading the Harry Potter series, Kelly finds that her greatest literary sin is that she neglected to read classics like The Shining and The Perks of Being a Wallflower. In between overseeing the editorial content for Bookish, holding interviews with authors like Leigh Bardugo and Victoria Schwab, and creating book recommendations for Kanye West—Kelly’s trying to catch up on the books she missed out on. She just finished The Great Gatsby and might be in love with Fitzg. Kelly received her B.A. in English Writing from Marist College and her M.A. in Screenwriting from National University of Ireland, Galway. She is a Gryffindor.