In our previous installment of exclusive book reviews from The Onion, the experts who brought us "The Onion Book of Known Knowledge" took on modern classics including "Twilight" and "Fifty Shades of Grey." Now, in the second installment, treat yourself to even more blade-like insights into these weighty tomes: After all, to survive "The Hunger Games" you'll need to know "How to Win Friends and Influence People."
1. Mein Kampf
"A fascinating personal memoir with numerous interesting revelations about Adolf Hitler's pursuit of world domination as well as a bunch of funny stories from his childhood."
"Given its drawn-out length, faulty logic and thoroughly racist premise, the book will leave readers thinking Hitler should have gone with his original title: 'Viereinhalb Jahre des Kampfes gegen Lüge, Dummheit und Feigheit.'"
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Related: Review Roundup: 'Barack Obama: The Story'2. Dreams from My Father
"A memoir recounting Barack Obama's humble political beginnings and search for racial identity that relies on eloquence, rhapsodic prose and powerful, soul-stirring emotion as a crutch."
"Easily one of the top three Barack Obama memoirs of all time!"
3. The Hunger Games: Movie Tie-in Edition
"Focusing on group of starving children coping with a dystopian reality, Collins' book stretches the reader's imagination with a fantastical, futuristic world of famine and war."
4. The Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire
"This reissue of the classic 18th-century historical account contains current information on how the Roman Empire has fared since."
"Author Edward Gibbon provides a comprehensive explanation of why the Roman Empire toppled because of faulty, poorly constructed columns."
"In an age when everyone and their sister is aggressively expanding their imperial territories when they should probably be consolidating their authority into one powerfully fortified citadel, this book serves as a handy guide."
5. How to Win Friends and Influence People
"Dale Carnegie's classic treatise on interpersonal manipulation demonstrates conclusively that that dominating societal force of charisma can only be developed by reading a book."
"Dale Carnegie's classic self-help book offers timeless advice on improving your relationships and increasing your self-esteem and even includes a somewhat bizarre 82-page guide to picking up gay men in public restrooms."
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